This week it’s all about flirting – very funny stuff there…and I’ve picked up some tips 😉 for example:
Don’t try this at home – it’s better in a pub, but still don’t
When I was 18 I frequented Nottingham Rock City. For those of you unfamiliar you’ll quickly find that sex in the toilets is not so much a daring act of rebellion as part of the T&C of entry. Whereas in most of the country, the act of mating involves buying someone a drink followed by “sexay” dancing or, if you’re really unlucky, conversation, at Rock City it’s as simple as locking eyes with someone. If they look back, you’re in. It really is that simple.
With this in mind, and much beer in my belly, a friend of mine bet me a drink that I wouldn’t try what remains the most appalling chat-up line I’ve ever heard, on a real person, in real life and everything. It pains me to admit I did this, even so long ago.
Me: *makes come-hither motion at girl*
Girl: *approaches, foolishly*
Me: I made you come with one finger – imagine what I could do with two!
Girl *slaps, really quite fucking hard*
Amazing how quickly alcohol removes the stench of shame when you’re 18. Amazing how long it clings to you once you sober up
Length? 13 years, and I still feel like a dick
(Darth Foxtrot what, exactly, is the point of Derby?, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:23,
The length thing at the end of a post is a sorta tradition…
Another great one:
I went to a speed dating thing last week
I was quite fed up after about half an hour, so my chat up line to one girl consisted of raising my eyebrow suggestively and saying “sex?”.
I did not get laid, but she did find it funny.
Flirting has never been my thing.
( MatJ would rather be skiing, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:40,
And back to work…