A lazy Wednesday post…

    Management Speak
    Truly the last resort for any wanker with very little to say, and an enormous fat gob with which to say it.

    I have actually heard the following phrases in meetings:

    “My_cat, you have failed to escalate this issue”

    This after I tried to sort a problem out without running to the manager.

    “My_cat, I am unhappy that you have PARKED this issue with me”

    This after I had run to the manager after the previous warning (see above). By the way, am I working in an office or an NCP?

    “I’m just Blue Sky thinking here – but I’d like to put forward a suggestion that pushes the envelope”

    HANG THE FUCK ON – Isn’t Blue Skying a polite way of saying Bull Shitting? Isn’t it all just BS? Oh, and by the way we LICK the envelope round here – pushing it is just basically moving it from one part of the desk to another. (Issue parking wankers)

    “Can I get an idea on when we’re expecting sign off?”

    Right, this last one looks ok. It’s grammatically wank, it means FUCK ALL.
    “Can I get..” = Can I have
    “an idea on” = the date of
    “when we’re expecting” Totally superfluous
    “sign off” = Authorisation.

    But hey, why use 7 words when 11 will make you look like a:
    “client focused, task driven individual with a real eye on the forward game” = cunt

    Apologies for length = We as a company take our responsibilities very seriously, and if we’ve failed to deliver an expected outcome, we would like to offer you our sincerest regret, however, we feel we should point out that length can often be a subjective term and as such, we apologise without prejudice.

    Yes, another cut ‘n’ paste from the annals of B3ta.com – sue me πŸ˜›

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    24 thoughts on “A lazy Wednesday post…

    1. You are getting sooooo lazy!! 😯

    2. I’d like to bring to everyone’s attention that snee is either traveling and forgot to tell us (not likely, he likes to brag of extended weekends and “working” in awesome places), too drunk to blog (possible, but again – unlikely) or he’s getting laid and doesn’t wanna tell us…

      1. Possibly all three? πŸ˜‰

        OR, it could be that he is just too damn lazy at the moment… πŸ™„

        1. I am NOT drunk! πŸ˜‰

          1. I know … you say waaaay too much when you’re drunk!! πŸ˜‰

      2. Do you think that snee has forgotten he has this blog?? πŸ™„

    3. Okay…. So, when ya gonna tell us, guys?

      snee – I had a steakum sandwich last night, in all of its greasy glory. That must be a bit what a bacon roll is like?

    4. I was wondering the same thing….when are they going to spill their guts???

      ugh, last time we had steakum’s all of us were very sick- 3 people puking and only 1 commode…yikes!!!

      1. From the sounds of it, having a steakum sandwich seems to be the best way to ‘spill our guts’!! πŸ˜‰

        Damn, where’s the ‘innocent looking’ emote when you need it …

        (Oh, by the way … what’s a “steakum sandwich”??)

    5. I guess a steakum is close to a bacon roll…

      I didn’t get my bacon roll yesterday as I was in Paris working hard (read: having a few beers with the boss, aka “on a jolly”). I did however have a duck baguette which was lovely πŸ™‚

      Today I got my bacon baguette from the delectable Lisa πŸ™‚

      1. Awwwwww, that’s soooo sweet!! … finally admitting that you were on a jolly, I mean!! 😯

        1. Ah, but you’ve been invited to the next one in Munich πŸ™‚

          1. Yes, yes I have! πŸ˜€

    6. Lisa – when are YOU going to have a blog, or if you do, when are you going to share it so that we can all live vicariously through it?

      snee – I’d like you to stop avoiding my classless question. Seriously. We want you to kiss and tell. It’s only fair. I’ve not had a chance to play the boing boing game in 6 weeks. I think I’ve turned to dust.

      Bu’Er – The steakum standwich made me SO ILL it’s crazy. My stomach was NOT happy about having that for dinner. Yuck.

      Also – wtf is Whabs? Seriously.

      (And for the record – a “Steakum” is supposed to be “real” steak, sliced super thing (thinnner than construction paper, for example) that you fry up in a pan quick like and toss on a bun. It was tasty – the first time I had it in my mouth. *GAG*

      1. “the first time I had it in my mouth. *GAG*” – fnar, fnar…

        I’m too much of a gentleman to kiss and tell πŸ˜€

        1. Fortunately, I’m NOT a gentleman!!

          What do you want to know, Arie?!! πŸ˜‰

    7. Lisa,

      I wanna know it all. Pictures would be great. Videos even better. HA!

      xoxo,

      Arie

      (The sexless tart)

      1. Well, he clears away his plate after he’s finished eating. He carries the shopping. He amuses the kids…Oh, is that not what you wanted to know??? hehehe πŸ˜‰

    8. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Lisa! If you say things like thta he’ll ban you from this site. He has a reputation to uphold you know 😯

      1. REALLY??? And what would this reputation involve??? 😯

        He’s been banging on for ages that he’s “lovely” and now I’ve been convinced you’re telling me that it may not be true?? πŸ˜₯

        (By the way … I’m fairly confident he won’t ban me – he wouldn’t risk losing the bacon baguettes every morning!!! πŸ˜‰ )

        1. Every morning bar Fridays πŸ˜‰

          1. The Saturday or Sunday morning bacon butty should make up for that!! 😯

            1. Yes, yes it does – and I get a (CENSORED) as well as a cup of tea too!

            2. Yes, yes you do!! πŸ˜‰

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