Truly the last resort for any wanker with very little to say, and an enormous fat gob with which to say it.
I have actually heard the following phrases in meetings:
“My_cat, you have failed to escalate this issue”
This after I tried to sort a problem out without running to the manager.
“My_cat, I am unhappy that you have PARKED this issue with me”
This after I had run to the manager after the previous warning (see above). By the way, am I working in an office or an NCP?
“I’m just Blue Sky thinking here – but I’d like to put forward a suggestion that pushes the envelope”
HANG THE FUCK ON – Isn’t Blue Skying a polite way of saying Bull Shitting? Isn’t it all just BS? Oh, and by the way we LICK the envelope round here – pushing it is just basically moving it from one part of the desk to another. (Issue parking wankers)
“Can I get an idea on when we’re expecting sign off?”
Right, this last one looks ok. It’s grammatically wank, it means FUCK ALL.
“Can I get..” = Can I have
“an idea on” = the date of
“when we’re expecting” Totally superfluous
“sign off” = Authorisation.
But hey, why use 7 words when 11 will make you look like a:
“client focused, task driven individual with a real eye on the forward game” = cunt
Apologies for length = We as a company take our responsibilities very seriously, and if we’ve failed to deliver an expected outcome, we would like to offer you our sincerest regret, however, we feel we should point out that length can often be a subjective term and as such, we apologise without prejudice.
Yes, another cut ‘n’ paste from the annals of B3ta.com – sue me 😛