Posts Tagged ‘B3ta’

B3ta

I know, but it’s a slow week (I was SUPPOSED to have the week off but had to goto Bristol).

Anyway, last week’s QOTW was a cracker 🙂 and the new one has just came out: ‘IT Support’. This has the regulars in 2 camps – the IT geeks who’re rubbing their hands together and typing like maniacs, and the non-IT bods, who’re moaning like the non-IT bods they are…

Of course, the “Did you try turning it off and ono again?” story has already been done to death, but I have some corkers ready to enter…

The whole thing reminds me of the old Yahell days, when it was a challenge to get the n00bs to press ALT + F4 as many times as possible without them realising it was a wind-up (my personal record was 5 times) – a game which was very, very entertaining…

Heh…better do some work I suppose, but first, let me tell you about this morning…

So, there I was – off to pickup Corina for work. Had to stop at a red light by the local school, window was down, music was LOUD (Pendulum), and I was happily bouncing in my seat to it. All these schoolkids were waiting to cross, and, as they did, one called to his mates “Listen – can you hear Pendulum?” and they ALL started dancing across the road…I was in hysterics 🙂

Just got back from Tesco, as I came off the roundabout, I was stuck behind a very slow moving lorry – no problem, sun is out, windows down, music on loud (The Killers this time), and I’m singing along  quite happy in my own little world…right up until I glanced at the traffic (not) moving the other way – 4 or 5 drivers staring open mouthed at me happily warbling away…

Childish things…

As I mentioned in an earlier post, B3ta’s QOTW is childish things you’ve done as an adult 🙂 the amount of posts so far (20 pages of ’em) show’s the level of maturity of the average B3tan.

Just found and uploaded these:

Look whabbs ^^ Guinness 🙂 *drools*

By Paul, aged 41 and 1 week

EDIT: More from the QOTW here. Go on, give it a go – it’s ace! 🙂

Oh, B3ta, B3ta, B3ta…

The QOTW is a cracker this week – “The most childish thing you’ve done as an adult”

🙂

Already posted 3 or 4 things, read pages of them and it’s put me in a really good mood…and it’s Friday! 🙂

//

This is a question The most childish thing you’ve done as an adult

Woo, it's a hot one today…

And just over an hour to go until I escape to the pub home 🙂

In the meantime, I’ve just had a crafty surf over at my favouritist waste of worktime: B3ta.com. Reading through some of the old QOTW answers makes for some serious office LOLing. Found this one in the ‘Tell us your stories of churches and religion (or lack thereof)’:

B3ta

I know, I know – I’m going to Hull Hell.

Eeew…just eeew…

Quiet moment at work, so I’m re-reading some of B3ta’s QOTW answers. Then I came across this one:

A long, long time ago I was living and working in London. Whilst visiting some friends from home we used to regularly wonder about the mysterious moving duvet that lived in my friends squalid but sunny squat.

Every day when she would leave the house her duvet was on her bed but every night she got home it had moved half way across the floor. All rational explanations for this were ruled out. It being a rather temporary squat for young Irish students not much was really thought about it I suppose. This particular duvets origins were unknown. Nobody knew who bought it or how long it had been there or indeed when or how it had appeared and indeed apart from its rambling nature and some curious staining not much was thought of it – I mean it was a dirty squat anyway.

It came to pass that some overly curious individual decided to investigate further and found out something which nearly 20 years later still makes my stomach flip. The duvet in question was one enormous breeding ground for some type of bug. The bugs used to follow the sun around the room and so the sheer volume of bugs was able to physically move the duvet across the room following the path of the sun.

The poor individual who used to sleep with this fetid blanket of bugs was later to remark that no other duvet would ever be the same as the bugs predilection for warmth meant that whilst sleeping the duvet “used to hug her back” was the way she put it.

And there you have it – women = dirty, dirty creatures (well, you’d never catch me putting a cock in MY mouth).

Bored…and hot

So here’s a blatant post straight from B3ta’s QOTW archive:

5 years ago I had a boring admin job whose only redeeming feature was that I worked on a team with 3 lovely young ladies. Abbie sat to my left; she was 21, slim, blond, attractive but a total space cadet and jittery with it. Very jittery, if somebody dropped a file loudly she would flinch noticeably.

Whenever I made the coffee she would always remind me that she only took half a teaspoonful of coffee, what she called “granny coffee” as it was so weak. This one time I accidentally used a whole spoonful so I put more milk in to hide the stronger colour and taste. Abbie didn’t notice.

Now I’m not a bad person, and I liked Abbie, but the mischief switch in my head went and the challenge was on to see how strong I could make her coffee before she noticed. Obviously I had to start low and increase the dosage each time.

A few days later a manager named John caught me in the kitchen counting out 4 spoonfuls of coffee into Abbie’s cup. “What are you doing?” he asked. I didn’t know he was stood behind me so I was a bit flustered and just fessed up, “I’m seeing how much I can drug Abbie with coffee, you see…if you use more milk it masks the colour and taste…” I trailed off nervously.

The manager took a step closer, looked at the cup, looked at me again and said without changing facial expression, “Well put some more in then”. Well thank fuck for the Y Chromosome! If it had been a female manager I would have been toast.

It had to stop a few days later, I was up to 5 spoonfuls which to put in context is a 1000% increase in dosage. Abbie was noticeably twitchier. I got a phone call that was for her, I turned to my left and said that I was putting a call through which she duly acknowledged, when she picked up I said in the killer from ‘Scream’ voice “HELLO ABBIE, DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES!?”….

She screamed. Loudly. Then cried. A lot.

The female power-dressing megalomaniac office manger fixed me with a cold stare. Nothing was said but the experiment was over. I was super nice to Abbie after that and reduced her coffee intake back to normal “Granny” strength. I’m sure drugging colleagues with coffee is a sackable offence, it should be.

Heh…when I read these things at work, there’s some serious office LOLing going on…

I think this qualifies as probably the best line ever written on the interwebs:

“And then it struck me. I was locked, alone and unsupervised, in a room containing thirty thousand jaffa cakes.”

Courtesy of Davywavy (B3ta.com)

I only just caught up with the B3ta beard grow-off competition:

I came third apparently! 🙂

Woo…check it all out here.

Best comment about it:

Third place: Snee – for having the sort of reassuring beard that I’d want with me on any kind of camping/survival weekend as it would provide a nice rugged presence. Good coverage.

I never expected to get a place – I have no acceptance speech ready or anything…

Pic of the final 3:

Mictoboy

3rd: snee                        2nd: Vipros                        1st: Mictoboy

Ugly looking bunch eh?

Wait! where’s my medal anyway?


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