Posts Tagged ‘computers’

So, yesterday turned out to be fairly busy for me

A guy who does some rep work for us visited the office. As he came in he spotted me and said “Ah, just the man.” (this generally makes me die a little inside ‘cos it’s usually the precursor to some inane computer problem, but I like the bloke).

“What’s up then?” I enquired.

“My daughter’s laptop has a virus – I’ve got it in the car – can you take a look at it for me?”

I agreed and the laptop was duly presented to me – a pink Dell no less 😐

So I booted it up and OMG…it’s been some time since I’ve seen a computer THAT riddled with malware/viruses. I checked the installed programs list for anti-virus…sure enough ‘Norton’ was installed.

NOTE TO EVERYONE: Norton is a piece of shit code that pretends to be an anti virus program. It is in fact, bloatware and completely useless – it’s the first program I ever cracked.

First job: stop the malware running so I could see some of the screen in front of the pop ups telling me I had 23,000,000 viruses etc., THEN uninstall Norton, reboot install NOD32 and set that scanning…

While that was scanning, I located (I’m REALLY not keen on Vista) the temp folders and internet file folders, created a script to wipe them on logoff (including the index.dat files), checked the registry for rogue startup files – ditto the system32 folder and went for lunch πŸ™‚

Coming back, the scan had found 1 or 2 (ha!) things and corrected everything – I rebooted, checked everything and it was perfect! another great snee job…

Then this morning I got a call: “Paul, every time we try to open a program it pops up with a window saying ‘which program would you like to use for this?'”

I talked him through how to get to the folder options – file types, and add ‘.exe’ as the file type ‘application’ and job done again.

My karma points must be through the roof πŸ™‚

snee – computer whisperer

It’s that time of the month again…no, I’m not bleeding or anything – I mean Microshite just released the monthly updates πŸ™‚

I love it…I can guarantee 4 out of 10 computers will have issues with the updates, and who do people call? who is the only one in town who can talk them through problems over the phone?

That’d be me – and I’m not blowing my own trumpet (too much) here – there’s a reason my mates refer to me as ‘The Matrix’, I have this sixth sense when it comes to sick computers – my brother has the same thing with cars. The Bennett’s have awesome genes it seems πŸ™‚ Read the rest of this entry »

"Can I just ask you one question?"

Didn’t really give me a choice there did you?

Seriously though, the amount of times I’m out having a quiet, relaxing pint, when I’ll catch the eye of someone across the bar. My thought process goes a little like this:

“Fucksocks…is he coming over? bollocks, he is.”

And then I get the “You fixed my computer 3 years ago…”

I usually follow this with “And many, many others since then…” to no avail.

Now anyone reading this who has fixed a few computers will be nodding in agreement here, but these people assume that because you installed a stick of RAM for them 3 years ago, you automatically know every detail about their system with out looking at it again.

A friend has a problem with his computer – from what I’ve learnt, it freezes during POST. I reassured him that it’s most likely not terminal and worse case, I can retrieve the data from the drive, wipe it and put on a fresh genuine copy *cough* of Windows, then put his data back on.

He was particularly concerned with a game he plays.

“It took so long to download the game.” he said sadly.

“But you were on a dial-up connection right?” says I.

After explaining what a dial-up connection was (is this what an embolism feels like?), then explaining the difference between that speed and current broadband/cable speeds I lost the will to live assured him he’d be up and running with his game within a day or two of getting the computer to me.

I love computers, and still get a buzz from making them run faster and better than before, but people! sometimes I need some quiet, peaceful time without being hounded for my skills.

Anyway, it’s Friday – the weekend cometh…


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