Posts Tagged ‘poo’

Back in the UK…

Fuck me – after a 13 hour flight, driving home from Heathrow wasn’t much fun let me tell you…my decision to come off the M25 and up the M1 (as opposed to the A1) as the M1 has more lanes and so should in theory be quicker was wrong, oh so wrong…

And the signs on the side of the motorway “Tired? take a rest…” REALLY didn’t help 😐

But hey, I made it home in one piece, seriously need to have a crap (fuck jetlag – it’s my bowel movements that fuck me up), can’t figure out whether to drink more to sleep or stay up (I thought jetlag took a day or more to kick in?), and also can’r figure out what the fuck it is with bloggers having password protected posts???

I mean – seriously, y’all have a public blog. If there’s something you don’t want people to read…don’t post it? it all seems just a little bit silly to me…

Oh, I had some serious gas problems on the flight home today – so for everyone on flight SQ308 I stick my fingers up and say ‘fuck you’ πŸ™‚ but to the staff I say: thanks for putting on extra Tiger beer (they ran out on the outbound flight) to keep me going…

Right, I’m gonna try sleeping now…

I'm back from V

No major injuries too πŸ™‚ (well, my back is killing me ‘cos I actually DANCED MY FUCKING ARSE OFF!).

I’m desperately in need of a bath (had a poo* when we stopped at some services – pity the next one in after me…I’d saved that all weekend πŸ™‚ )

Top act I saw of the weekend? Pendulum without a doubt (although it was this point my back went), Killers were awesome as ever, Oasis had a great set Saturday too – I reckon I managed to see about 35 bands, drank a metric shitload of alcohol, slept very little…and had such a good time πŸ™‚

More to follow – and picture/video uploads…

*I swear I felt half a stone lighter afterwards

EDIT: Just saw the highlights from the West Ham v Spurs game (1-2) – Defoe is on fire for Spurs right now πŸ™‚


2nd EDIT: My back is fucked up, my stomach muscles are fubared, I’m drunk (probably still…), and I’m cooking πŸ™‚ woo!

This is the post that sends the poo to the bottom of the page…

So. Yesterday I took the day off to finish collecting free paving slabs (3 trips, multiple scrapes on my arms, about 5 gallons of sweat and they’re in my garden, mocking me), and rip up the old patio ready to redo it all.

And then I find out whoever laid the previous one used FUCKING GREAT LUMPS OF CEMENT on every fucking slab to keep them in place. So, at this point I’ve recovered some 30 slabs, got about 20 new ones, still have to dig out about 1/2 tonne of shitty old cement and get rid of that before I can even start thinking about laying the slabs (and I have to stop the cat shitting in the sand all this time).

And so, all I can do is set myself targets each day – I’m hoping to get the most of the crap dug out this evening, and may have some unwilling help to dig the rest out in lieu of money owed to me πŸ˜€

And so, here I sit at work, a sketch on the computer trying to figure out how the slabs will fit – it’s a huge (and heavy) jigsaw puzzle…

Mid week blues (AKA: Poo shifter)

Well, here we are again – what with working all over the place, seeing Kathy at the weekends, and private work, I just don’t seem to have the time to blog anymore.

What I SHOULD do is set my phone up so I can blog direct from that…yet another thing to add to the list of ‘things to do that’ll make my life simpler’.

My back hurts. A lot. It’s sciatica and means my left leg feels like the bones are being pulled out through my feet – quite uncomfortable actually. Went to the doctors yesterday and was told to rest completely and keep taking anti-inflammatories and go back in a week if there’s no change (hardly likely to be really).

So I rested yesterday, and was so bored so I came into work today – can’t see me lasting the day though, just sitting is giving me a lot of pain πŸ™

This post is mainly due to the comments asking for a post so the poo moves down the page (now THAT’S a wonderful image…)

Got any lettuce?

The post title is the question I texted to a few people in my phonebook to see what their repsonse would be…

  • 2 people replied no, but they were going to the shop and could get me some.
  • 4 people replied offering me drugs…meh.
  • Few replies along the lines of “fuck off – twat”

Brian let me down though – I would have bet money on his reply being “Fuck off you cock”.

Oh well, I’ll have to think of another one…

And then there’s the story of Ewa’s super poo…

I got up yesterday just after she’d left for work. I noticed that there was a ‘floater’ in the loo, so flushed it. Back into the bathroom 10 minutes later or so to brush my teeth – zounds, the log was still there…so I flushed it again…then again.

Stubborn thing remained, so I tried the boiling water trick…still unflushable.

Now, this thing had by now resisted at leat 8 flushes, so I thought I’d better take a picture for posterity:

Super poo

And, for the discerning reader, a close up:


Lovely eh?

Anyway, the thing finally decided to traverse the ubend – shame really, I was about to start charging it rent.


Nag, nag, nag…

So I don’t post for a couple of weeks…I can think of one recently married woman who’s not blogged in a while – not mentioning any names bu’er.

Well, I’m starting to REALLY enjoy tolerate nettle tea now – and it really does seem to ease hayfever symptoms. Tesco have sold out so a lot of people must like it or something…

Well, I had a great weekend – spent it down with Kathy et famille ‘dahn sarf’ (septics will have to google it πŸ˜‰ ), weather was great (not too much sneezing etc.), stunning countryside (look, we don’t have hills around here – I’m just not used to them), and the company was, as ever, just great. Weekend started really on Saturday with a sword fight in Westgate, St Neots* where I lost a limb…well, almost…well, I came close to losing a limb…as close as you can get when the swords are made of foam πŸ™‚ fun though πŸ˜€

I should have bought a crocodile at a car boot sale. I saw it, and wanted it, but figured it’d be too expensive – without asking. Sigh…don’t think the cat would have liked it though…and how many people can say they’ve bought a crocodile at a car boot sale? I mean, I DID buy a crocodile’s head off eBay…but that’s different πŸ˜€

~~~ subliminal message ~~~

You want to buy a Ford Galaxy, 7 seater. Great condition, low mileage…email me.

~~~ end of subliminal message ~~~

And here, just to freak you out, are a pair of freaky eyes – bonus points to anyone correctly identifying them…I’ve had them lying around for ages and they’re getting dusty…



I’m gathering quite a collection of computers in my lounge again – up to 5 plus a laptop’s usually sitting in here somewhere…my record is having 7 all up and running, networked and running various operating systems – I’ll have to redo that one with the computers spread all over the house and wireless (not sure my old Macs will do wireless, but it’s worth a look…) – I think I’ll stop short of putting computers in the toilets though, if I ever start using Twitter, my entries would read like Scaryduck‘s blog: “done a poo”.

And with those words of wisdom, I’m off for a bath…ciao πŸ™‚

*I’d just like to add, that as far as I know, no pubs were hurt (not that I know of) during this violent episode in a shop.

Can y'all say "woohoo!"?

Yes, I finally got my compensation cheque through – all Β£3080 of it πŸ™‚

So there I was, in my local bank (Barclays) putting in in my account. The teller stamped my paying-in book, then said “Would you like to put some of this in a savings account?”

My reply?

“With the banks in the mess they are – do you REALLY think that’s staying here a minute longer than it needs to?”

Yep, I’m going shopping next weekend πŸ˜€

Of course, I’ve told all my mates about it – most of whom promptly asked for a beer/percentage/loan, which leads me to the important question: “What am I going to do about the begging letters?”

Keep sending them of course πŸ˜‰

Oh, and Spurs lost – but it doesn’t matter – I’ve got 3 grand

EDIT: You know when you get one of those “gotta have chocolate” moments? well, I just had one so I bought a Double Decker bar. Reading the ingredients in the multitude of languages, I noticed one of the languages has a bit which reads: ‘leite em pΓ³’ which almost says ‘let ’em poo’

Yes, I know – I should go do some work…it just amused me is all and I thought I’d share it.

‘NOTHER EDIT: 1 bite in and I no longer want chocolate – could it be something to do with the ‘let ’em poo’ bit?

Hmm…wonder if Ebay will let me sell a slightly used Double Decker?


Can’t be bothered to type much today, so here’s the craic:

I enjoy my regular early morning poo – a time when I’m at one with the world (well, I am after my first coffee…). I have an electronic Soduku game which I take into the toilet with me, provides me with someone to gently exercise my brain while the more important aspects of the visit are taken care of.

So…what does everyone else take in there with them?

This could be a huge mistake…

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March 2019
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