How to impress people – especially your boss (aka: how NOT to be a numpty*)

    So yesterday was my nemesis (you know – Monday).

    Now for some reason, over Easter we get a lot of bank holidays in the UK.

    And that, your honour, is my defence for not coming into work yesterday – I thought it was a bank holiday.

    No really – I did. I got up early and everything, pootled about the house and garden doing stuff – I even got some of my DVDs sorted.

    Well, the boss laughed (at me!) today when he got in…

    * Word ‘numpty’ courtesy of Lisa, aged 9ΒΎ


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    219 thoughts on “How to impress people – especially your boss (aka: how NOT to be a numpty*)

    1. I’m 39ΒΎ actually!! 😯
      My maiden name is ‘Munday’ so does that make me your evil nemesis??
      Are you seriously allowed out in public without a responsible adult to look after you?? I don’t think that “over Easter we get a lot of bank holidays…” is the ironclad defence you think it is!! πŸ˜•

      1. I was going by your mental age! πŸ˜‰

    2. Ah!! I do that so you can keep up, sweetie! πŸ˜‰

      1. Um…do what?

    3. Talk to you with the mental age of a child. I find that you relate to it so much better! See how much effort I make for you! πŸ˜€

      1. Pffft…where’s my bacon buttie?

    4. If YOU don’t know where you put it, how do you expect ME to know??? Durr!

      1. Bloody women – can’t live with them, can’t (legally) kill them and bury them under the patio…

        And get some work done!

    5. I’m a woman … I am working at the same time. It’s called Multi-tasking!! Something men believe is just a myth!

      1. This from the woman who buys me a pint of Guinness then knocks it over just to see my sad face πŸ™

        1. Hahahaha, classic AND Ballsy!

    6. Let it go man … I bought you another one! πŸ™„

      1. I keep getting flashbacks to it going over…

      1. You have to have the last word don’t you?

    7. No. πŸ˜›

      1. Just as well really…

    8. On this occasion…

    9. Definitely.

    10. Not all the time mind.

      1. No to what?

    11. No, not all the time …
      I was agreeing with you – how freaked are you now??!! Mwahahaha 😈

      1. I’m incredibly freaked out at the never-ending thread…you agreeing with me is just one of those things I have to accept πŸ˜‰

    12. Then my work here is done… πŸ˜€

      1. Yes it is πŸ™‚

    13. Shall I stop now then? ❓

      1. You should do – your vodka’s getting cold πŸ˜‰

    14. I finished it. πŸ˜₯

      1. It couldn’t have been THAT large then πŸ˜›

    15. Errrr, you think????

    16. No … I’m not as bad as you!!

      1. You’re worse!

    17. Don’t think that’s possible! 😯

    18. She’s good. I think I like Lisa. πŸ™‚

      1. haha, I have a girl crush. I was like 77 responses to a post WTF is snee up to?
        Now I know.

    19. Oh, I didn’t mean it in a bad way Bu’er…

      And I’m practically an angel Lisa πŸ™‚

    20. OK, who are you and what have you done with the real Paul?? I’m not saying we want him back … just want to check he’s safely locked away somewhere!! πŸ™„

      1. Are you trying to infer something about my good character?

    21. Errrrr – You HAVE a good character? Wow, who knew!! 😯

    22. Oh, and Bu’er … thanks! πŸ˜€

      1. How many vodkas now?

    23. Oh, I’ve moved onto the hard stuff … just had a cuppa! Lovely! πŸ˜€

      1. Lightweight πŸ˜›

    24. Oh, I wish!!!! Wouldn’t need fatclub then! 😯

      1. Well, you don’t beep when you go backwards, so I can’t really say you do need it πŸ™‚

    25. Oh no .. I don’t beep anymore. I upgraded to that voice that says “warning, this vehicle is reversing…”

      1. At least that’d give me time to move my pint πŸ˜‰

    26. Not sure why you think I’d be reversing up to you while you’re having a pint! 😯

      1. To knock it over 😐

    27. Give it up man!!! Get over it!!! Deal with it and move on!!! πŸ™„

      1. That’s easy for you to say – your drink was safe…

    28. OK … my fault, I’m sorry. I’ll never join you for a beer again. Would hate to see you in constant fear that your beer wasn’t safe!!

      1. Ah, but now I know what you;re like, I’ll guard it πŸ˜‰

    29. I reached for your phone (admittedly to put a fingerprint on the screen!) and I knocked your beer … I didn’t go out on some beer-hating rampage. MOVE ON!!!

      1. I know you’d want to know – the game is 3-3 with minutes to play…

    30. Are you playing chess???

      1. And it ended 3-3 😐

      1. And now I’m hungry…got any chicken left? πŸ™‚

    31. Chucked it in the bin so I didn’t eat it … shall I get it out again?? πŸ™‚

      1. You. Threw. Food. Away.


        Words fail me…

    32. Yes. I. Did.

      If words fail you at least this thread won’t get any longer! 😯

      1. 66 comments – give it up woman πŸ™‚

        I won’t think any less of you for admitting defeat πŸ™‚

    33. Well, they’re not ALL my comments!!

      1. Mind you, I’ve had more page views today than any other day – the previous record was the day I posted the names and addresses of the ‘Baby P’ killers…

        1. And I’ll take post 69 too πŸ˜‰

    34. Really? So many people want to know why you’re a numpty eh? πŸ˜‰

      1. Most have at least an inkling already πŸ™‚

    35. You really will take a 69 wherever you can get it won’t you!!!!! 😯

      1. Now that really depends…

    36. I meant 99!! I was talking about you getting an ice-cream at work. That first ‘9’ must have fallen over… ahem, ahem. (Damn – was hoping for an innocent looking emote!!!)

      1. Well, compared to you, this one 😈 is innocent πŸ™‚

    37. Now now Paul. That’s not very nice. Totally true, but not nice. πŸ‘Ώ

      1. Don’t you have a bed to go to?

        1. Well, THAT ended abruptly. And I was just getting cozy.
          Nice to meet you Lisa, you joust quite well. Keep it up πŸ™‚

    38. Thanks Sillywhabbit! You know when he’s run out of responses because he’ll use “Pffft” !!! We usually have these sorts of conversations by text, but this one seemed like too good an opportunity to miss! πŸ˜€

      1. Give it up woman…you’ll NEVER get the last word πŸ˜›

    39. Oh, you think?? … silly question, you’re a bloke – OF COURSE YOU DON’T!!!!! πŸ™„

      1. Did I mention I’m going to see the Foos in July? πŸ™‚

    40. …and before you think you’ve won, I’m off out to enjoy the sunshine for the day – this isn’t over! Look on the bright side though … you’ve got a few hours to come up with some witty comebacks!! πŸ˜‰
      By the way … I know I sent you a text to say it’s Good Friday so you don’t need to go into work today, but I thought I’d better let you know that, apparently, Easter Monday has been cancelled for all those numpties that have taken their ‘bank holiday’ already.
      I think they mean YOU, Snee!! 😈 (<- am loving that Emote!)

      1. Lisa, you’ve capitalized the “s” in snee. I feel that I need to warn you or he’ll forever bring it up in further posts and conversations….

        sometimes, I capitalize the “s” AND bold it, just to piss him off.

    41. Bravo! Quite entertaining- you guys should write a book!! “The last word…” It would be never ending…you could have sequels upon’d be rich!!!

      1. Bu’Er – the book “The Last Word” hmmm? Could “The Tower of Dishes” be included in that one? Charlie and I are playing a game… whomever knocks the first dish to the other side of the sink has to wash them all….

    42. …but Paul would never turn up to do the work. He’d probably come up with some really lame and totally unbelievable excuse. Something along the lines of getting bank holidays mixed up!!

      Glad you’re enjoying the show though … got to admit that it’s amusing me too! (Although that could be because I’ve got a sick, evil & twisted mind! Oh, I love being me!) 😈

      1. Hello peeps πŸ™‚ have I missed anything?

        1. That’s weird – I still have the last word…

    43. Yeah, not in this lifetime! 😐

      1. You’ve got a lovely bum πŸ™‚

      1. Did I mention I’m gonna see the Foo Fighters in July?

    44. Yes, yes you did. I lost count (and interest) after the first 27 times (well, after the first time actually πŸ˜• ).

      1. Then I won’t mention it again…much πŸ˜›

    45. That’s ok coz I won’t be listening…at all πŸ˜€

      1. No change there then πŸ˜‰

    46. Sorry … did you say something?? πŸ™„

    47. I’ve got it here…covered in lots and lots of lovely cheese!!! Mmmm Mmmm Mmmmmmm!! 😈
      Isn’t it time you updated your blog? πŸ™„

    48. Oh…my chicken kebab was lurrrrvely! πŸ˜€

    49. Hmmmm. That’s not QUITE what I meant!! πŸ™„

    50. Yawn!!!!! You’re getting dull, snee! 😯

    51. That’s easy for you to say – your heart has never been broken, your soul has never been stolen…oh wait, that;s foo fighter lyrics. Did I mention I’m off to see them? πŸ™‚

    52. It’s easy because it’s true!! Yes, my heart has been broken – on more than one occasion – and my soul has been stolen…but fortunately I got that back and am now in negotiations with the devil on the sale of said item! 😈

      1. You’ve got a lovely bum though..

        1. Yes it is … any medium sized hippo would be very pleased with it!! 😐

          So, tell me about what you’re doing in July… πŸ™„

          1. In July I will mostly be doing….um, I forget?

            Oh wait, I remember – Foo Fighters! πŸ™‚

            1. Hehehe

    53. Oh yes – I remember you mentioning it before. 😐

      1. Just give it up…you’ll never win this one

    54. You’ve told me to “give it up” a couple of times now … you getting worried that I won’t?? 😈

      It’s your fault really … if you hadn’t made a point about having the last word I wouldn’t have got my stubborn, bloody-minded head on and you’d be enjoying a weekend without this never-ending thread!

    55. Getting bored now …

      You may have the last word after all … no point in just arguing the same things over & over. πŸ˜•

    56. Seriously?? You guys can’t give up now…c’mom, get going with it!! πŸ™‚

      1. The last word is mine πŸ™‚

    57. Dream on. 😈

      When I use that emote it puts the word ‘twisted’ in the text … can you change that to ‘lisa’??? 😈

      1. twisted- Lisa…all means the same :p

    58. Awwww shucks, that’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said to me!!! πŸ˜›

      1. One of? were there more then?

    59. Yes … this one!

      20/04/2011 at 21:20
      Well, compared to you, this one πŸ‘Ώ is innocent

      THAT one is probably the nicest thing you’ve said!

      1. I definitely mentioned that you had a lovely bum…

    60. …and it’s comments like that which confirm that you have a freakishly disturbed mental state!! πŸ™„

      1. Either that or I’m a connoisseur of good bums πŸ™‚

    61. If we’re voting on which one, I’d definitely go with you having a ‘freakishly mental state’… 😯

    62. Oh, well argued!! My compliments, snee! You’re such a wordsmith!! πŸ˜•

      1. It wasn’t a reply…I was merely thinking about your bum…:)

    63. Oh, there are many things about you that are wrong … but that is just SOOOO wrong!!

      1. Au contraire…

    64. I disagree…

      1. Well, I’m off to bed – some of us are working tomorrow…unless it’s a bank holiday?

    65. No, it’s not a bank holiday but well done for checking first!

      Taking the cats to the vet this morning (mwahahaha 😈 ) and have decided to go into work after that … such dedication! πŸ˜€

      1. You mean you’re bored!

    66. No, I’m Lisa … how many times do we have to go over this??!! 😯

      1. I hope the food trolley ran over your foot 😐

        1. Actually, I don’t really…that would be just mean.

          1. It didn’t run over my foot … but it did deliver my toast!! Yum yum yum.

            I’m totally ok with being mean – it’s a skill I practice regularly! 😈

            1. Get you – nesting comments now πŸ˜‰

    67. Did it before when we were discussing my hippo arse … keep up, Paul!!! πŸ™„

      1. Yeah, but I figured you’d done it by mistake then…besides you don’t have a hippo arse πŸ™‚

        1. Pssst – did you notice I’ve finally set my server time correctly?

          1. No, it wasn’t a mistake. Thanks for the vote of confidence in my abilities!! 😯

            I did wonder about that the other day, but I figured that as you seem to live on a different planet you’d also have a different time zone too! πŸ™„

            1. Nothing wrong with my planet πŸ™‚

    68. Absolutely not – it’s perfect for you … a planet that has nice padded surroundings and when you’re there you get to wear one of those brilliant jackets that make you hug yourself!! πŸ˜€

      1. Very good…

        1. I do try… 😈

          1. Yes, you are very trying πŸ™‚

    69. …and yet you still come back for more! πŸ™„

      1. I’m a glutton for punishment πŸ˜›

        1. …did you really need the words “for punishment”??? πŸ˜†

          1. You’re right – I’ll go edit it…

            1. Hmmmm, wondering what else I can get you to do … πŸ’‘ my car needs a clean!!

    70. Not as much as mine does…

    71. Well, do yours first then …

      1. But it’s too white when it’s clean!

        1. That is the most pathetic, lazy-ass excuse I’ve ever heard… πŸ™„

          1. I think you’ll find it’s spelt ‘arse’.

            No need to thank me πŸ™‚

            1. I think you’ll find that I am correct ‘lazy ass’ refers to a lazy donkey. I’m not talking about a lazy bottom!!!

              No need to apologise πŸ™‚

    72. Donkeys are not asses.

      And referring to me as a donkey is wrong – my ears aren’t that big, and I don’t have a hairy face πŸ˜›

    73. A donkey & ass are the same thing. It’s a Mule or a Hinny that’s the hybrid!!

      With regard to you not having any features the same as a donkey … OK, thanks for being honest about it! 😯 (But you do have a hairy face … it just varies in length!)

      1. I didn’t say I have no features like a donkey – just I don’t have big ears or a hairy face.

    74. Oh yes, you have a hairy back & legs … just like a donkey!! 😯

      1. I do not! my back was shaved Friday πŸ˜›

        1. Please don’t remind me of that … I had hairy-back nightmares after you told me that’s what you’d got! (Although, I think it was flashing your wounded nipple that really pushed me over the edge!) – Pause for a moment so you can enjoy the image of me going over the edge of a cliff… πŸ˜€

          1. As if I would!

            1. I know, I know … you’d take longer than a ‘moment’!!! πŸ˜€

    75. This thread is going to end eventually …

      1. Probably…

    76. Definitely…

      1. It will probably die out when you stop posting…

    77. …or when you get on and update your blog properly, not just some lazy-ass (yes, I did mean ass) copy & paste from something else!! 😐

      Alternatively, if you want me to stop posting then you can just ask me to stop … always happy to do something for a friend if I can! πŸ™„

      1. So far this week nothing has given me any ideas for a new post other than being bored yesterday…

        1. Maybe you should put out a plea for information regarding your ‘missing moments’ from last Friday night? What DID happen to you on the way home??? ❓

          1. I think I went to the Woolpack, and then for a chinese…

            1. You went back into town??? We’d already got further than the Thai restaurant!! 😯

    78. All I know is I got in about 2.30, spent 5 minutes or so trying to get my key in the lock, realised the door was unlocked, told Bob he’d “Left the fucking door open”, mumbled a bit and went to bed…


    79. Errrr, then why did you walk back with me??? You should have said you wanted another beer! πŸ˜•

      1. I was most likely checking out your bum?

        1. I dunno – I probably started walking and kept on going…to be honest, I think the pubs were shut by then unless I went to the Priory (doubt it – I hate the place), or New Inn (not very likely either).

          I suppose I could’ve got food then gone for a wander.

        2. I know my arse is big but it’s not so big that it can check-in to places without me being present – there was no need for you to check it out of anywhere!! You really need to stop obsessing about the bum … it’s just a bum (ample, but just a bum nonetheless!)

          Oh, I meant to say…thanks for walking me home and making sure I got home safely on Friday!!! 😯

          1. Maybe you should’ve seen me home safely!

            1. When I turned around to talk to you, you’d disappeared!!! I didn’t realise you needed to be made to walk in front so I could see when you’d try to sneak back to the pub! 😯

    80. Ah…THAT old one

    81. Ah, an old ploy eh?

    82. Seems to be…

    83. Right snee … I think we’ve taken this thread as far as it will go. I’m moving over to ‘Pandas’ or ‘Bored’. You’re not having the last word, I’m just moving my replies!! πŸ˜€

      1. In that case, I’ll let you have the last word…oh…sorry (no, really πŸ˜› )

        1. Thanks! πŸ˜›

          1. No problem πŸ™‚

    84. Too kind. πŸ˜€

      1. Yeah – that’s probably my only fault…

        1. Oh, I’m sure some of your loyal followers can come up with a few more! Anyone…? πŸ™„

          1. The silence is deafening 😐

          2. Is there anybody out there…? πŸ™„

            1. Just nod if you can hear me – is there anybody home?

      1. That’s not the next line…

    85. well he IS a perv. just sayin.

      1. That’s a slight on my good name! Frankly, I’m shocked… 😯

        1. I don’t know … seems to have you pegged pretty well actually! 😐

          1. Look, I’ve gone a day without mentioning your bum!

            (oh arse…)

    86. I feel like I’m sitting at the table behind you guys at a restaurant and totally eavesdropping.

      1. You know what … I did think that I seem to have taken over all the conversation on here. Nobody else seems to be joining in anymore so I’m going to take a back seat and let you lot take over!! I can insult Paul anytime!! I shall enjoy reading again!! πŸ˜‰

        1. Do you want help with the big words?

          1. Who the hell are you gonna ask to help YOU then??! 😯

            1. Eye can reed good!

    87. Indeed, but your spelling is shit! 😯

      1. Potty mouth…

        1. Are you the profanity police now?? πŸ™„

          1. It seems like I am when you’re around…

            1. Do I REALLY need to point out all the times you’ve used profanities in your various posts??? 😯

            2. Just in case, I refer you to the ” Spurs vs Real Madrid” post…

    88. Blah, blah, blah…

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